as the galaxy appears on the brink of turmoil, you are most likely:
attempting to persuade people with my lightsaber that the Jedi should rule
figuring a way to stop it from happening, preferably with deep thought
rubbing my hands gleefully, cackling at my own evil genius
aiding my master in his plans for galactic dominance
trying to get inside a certain female senator's pants
betraying everyone in the galaxy like the little green bastard i am
off to get some spice for the Hutts
playing with my robots

buy the star wars trilogy box set for $32!

in reward for your efforts to the cause, you wouldn't mind:
the entire galaxy being under my rule
peace and harmony between all beings in the galaxy
every single being under my wizened, three-fingered paw
17,000 credits and maybe a kiss with tongues from princess leia
congratulations and maybe a kiss with tongues from senator padmé
hanging some medals on a wookiee and a kiss with tongues from han solo

You're listening to the happy, happy sounds of Two Minute Warning

ideally, your lightsaber would be:
double-ended and just as red as my face
simple, blue, and effective
purple, for no other reason than it's as bad-ass as can be
green. the colour of betrayal
like no other - all wierd and curved... it makes me feel like errol flynn
i simply use the force to fuck people up with lightning
lightsaber? who needs one? i've got a gun, and i'm good at running
ooh! a lightsaber? can i have a pink one? to go with my shoes?

a new hope, empire strikes back and return of the jedi for just $32!

when you hear the words 'The Lost Twenty' you think:
how can i best turn them to the dark side?
pfft - don't blame them
it was because of qui-gon jinn! his death was the last straw!
although the force was strong with them, they were not strong with the force. hmm...
reminds me of my last game of sabacc with lando...
the lost twenty? try the lost two billion! *weeps* alderaaaaaaan!

Download free Two Minute Warning MP3s and exclusive videos

your main ride is:
a hot rod speeder
a floating chair
a sith speeder bike
a death star
duh... the millennium falcon, obviously
my feet. i walk the earth, like cain from 'kung fu'
a 74-Z speeder bike i stole off a scout trooper i bonked on the head

buy the star wars trilogy box set for $32!

the force should be used to:
promote enlightenment, harmony and peace throughout the galaxy
bring me great power, unimaginable wealth, and a great big spaceball to blow up planets with
impress chicks
whup your ass
make me some decent coffee, maybe
make everyone think i am a little space-buddha while i am, in fact, shafting them
rescue me from that horrible darth vader and his big, mean death star

Two Minute Warning are the stardust that makes Saturday nights glow and Sunday mornings ache

one of your friends confesses to you that they are in a forbidden relationship. your response is:
"is it with the dark side?"
"ssshh! i'm thinking about important things."
"you must ask yourself why you wish to pursue this course of action."
"you too? let's start a 'little green sith' club!"
"good this is not. make a choice, you must."
"excellent."
"why, you stuck up, half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf-herder"

a new hope, empire strikes back and return of the jedi for just $32!

when you're chilling out, you're most likely found:
strolling around the jedi temple, having a chat with other masters
plotting and scheming, planning my rise to power
still trying to get into senator padmé's pants
plotting in secret with senator palpatine. you're all going to die
trying, but pretending not to, get into princess leia's pants
obeying my master, doing menial but evil things
chillaxing in a gold bikini, chained to a giant slug