you find yourself in some wierd-ass world with talking mushrooms and things. what the hell are you doing?
trying to rescue my stupid girlfriend who got captured by a giant turtle. again.
trying to rescue my girlfriend by... blowing... bubbles...
i have no idea. i only came here for a fight.
trying to save the world from big-ass robots. watashi no namae wa ROCKMAN!
shooting! can i shoot the mushrooms? do i get ten points?

you think you're in the clear, then WHAM! you're confronted by someone at least twice your size, and possibly eight hundred times taller than you. what now?
if small dinosaurs wore pants, i'd be pooing them.
charge up my mega-arm, then let fly with... rocks.
stab him in the tail! always go for the tail!
what the...? where did all the fucking ducks go? is this a japanese import?
build myself up to around level twenty, or let fly with bulbasaur off the bench. wtf?
team up with my brother, then just mash the pad blindly with my palm.

you've been stuck on this one section for the past four hours, and you're getting nowhere. what's the plan?
maybe if i get the mushroom and have fire abilty, and then fire when i jump, and lean over, i'll make it.
*looks in nes gamer for password to level 112*
pull out the cartridge during play, then jam it back in and see what happens.
press gun against glass of the tv screen. hit trigger until arm muscles seize up. pause. repeat.
it's time to pull out my secret weapon... overnight pause!
up, up, down, down, left, left, right, right, a, b, start.

in the fantasy in your head, you're protecting your girlfriend from a big bully. your weapon of choice?
is the bully a duck? can i shoot him? with light?
these fists of rage! for my girl, i'll push dudes down. to let them know where i stand. i'll scar them up.
these amazing and apparently limitless swords that shoot out from my midsection.
i will jump on his head, and when he's on his back, slide him into his friends. ooh! wait... can i have fireballs?
rocks! great big fuckin megarocks!
bulbasaur razor leaf attack! bulba? no effect! charizard, flamethrower! super-effective!

it's ten years later; every time you switch on your nes, the screen goes pink and a piercing 'kreee!' sound comes out of your speakers. your solution?
who cares? i've been playing final fantasy 29 for fifty six hours. i just completed the second piece of game dialog.
grrraaaahhh! i'll beat it so hard, it will wish that i was not a master of some unnamed martial art. with lead pipes.
who needs a real console? i've been playing mario kart on nesticle for the past five years.
maybe there's some dirt in the microchips. i'll wash it. with rocks!
mom! can i have a gamecube? ooh! and a segway!
*cries* did they ever make duckhunt 3d? what do you mean no? why are you laughing?